MY DIARY
Fuck You Cabin Gremlins!
“I turned my misfortune into an opportunity to visit a place I’d never been before.”

Dear Diary |

Wanna get away…?
Yes, Southwest, I would.

I wanted to get away, because I desperately needed to finish my website copy…
but, I kept falling prey to mindless distractions at home.
My house had never been so clean.
And, I hate cleaning.

Couple that with the 115 degree, Arizona heat [aka Satan’s Asshole]…
And, I felt like a caged animal.
I needed out!

Hmmm…
Let me brainstorm quickly.

Ah-ha!
What about my parent’s cabin?
It’s distraction free.
And, 15 degrees cooler.

I felt like a genius!

I packed up the car.
Random goodies and all.
And, hit the open road.

This fool proof plan is exactly what the doctor ordered.

After 2.25 hours…
I rolled up, walked in, turned off the alarm, went to the basement, turned on the water, breakers, and A/C, and started unloading the car.

I flipped a couple light switches on.
And nothing.
That’s strange.
The bulbs must be burnt out.

Next, I turned on the Bose sound system.
ZZZZZ! POP!
Wtf was that?
I’ve never heard a sound system make that noise before.
Shit!
That can’t be good.
Did a massive power surge just blow the entire system?

Next, I tried the TV.
Power on.
Input 1, and…
Crickets.
FML!
The system was blown.

My dad is gonna be PISSED!
And, he’s gonna assume I’m the one that caused everything to break.
It’s best when he breaks his stuff…if you know what I mean.

I took a pause and continued unpacking my food.

That’s odd…
The oven and microwave lights are off.
I’d better reset the GFID.
I pressed the Reset and Test buttons at the same time, and…
BUZZZZZZZZ!!!!
I’ve never heard an outlet make that noise either.
SMH!

Fast forward 30-45 minutes.
Why am I still sweating bullets?
The A/C was running…
But, how come the temp wasn’t dropping?

I finally mustered up the courage to text my mom about the A/C.
She proceeded to mom-splain me on how to work a thermostat.
Phew, it’s the first time I’ve worked one in all of my 35 years [eye roll].
Thankfully, their neighbor had HVAC experience and was home.

He ran a few tests with his fancy lil contraptions, and…
Determined the furnace transformer was blown.
Basically, the fan was running but it wasn’t cooling shit.
Awesome!
More stuff I know absolutely nothing about.

Distraction free weekend my ass!
My writing weekend was slipping away faster than a dude with a stage 5 clinger.
What was with all these CABIN GREMLINS?!

Let’s just say I didn’t have my best sleep that night.
Instead of bright eyed and bushy tailed, I was dull eyed and greasy tailed.

But, I reluctantly got up to start my hunt for a matching transformer.
Only thing…Overgaard is a tiny town.
There aren’t a lot of hardware stores.
There’s two to be exact.
I tried both stores, but neither of them had an exact match.
Ugh!
Fortunately, Mr. HVAC said one was close enough.

He installed it the same day.
Hallelujah!
Let there be A/C!

Ok, bring on the website copy.
Finally.

But first, I needed to get the creative juices flowing.
I knew just the trick.
A protein and berry smoothie.
With…
Magic mushrooms!
B+ strain to be exact.
My writing was going to be lit!

WRONG!
30 minutes in…
Shit started going sideways.
These magic mushrooms were INTENSE!
And, my stomach started doing more flips than Simone Biles.
This was one roller coaster ride I wasn’t excited to ride.

The roller coaster ended with me…
Curled up on the couch, binge watching Yellowstone.
On my iPhone.
Of course, my parents didn’t have WiFi.

But, there’s no way I’d plow through my 22GB limit with only 6 days left in the billing cycle.
WRONG AGAIN!

I was left to sleep it off.

So, what does any good HBO junkie do?
They [aka me] drive to Show Low [1 hour away] in an attempt to download more episodes.
Surely a restaurant would have WiFi.
And, it did.
Too bad, the connection was slower than molasses.

My inner junkie started solutioning.
My resolve was strong when it needed to be.
Think. Think. Think.
I got it…
Starbucks!

An hour later…
I’m still sitting outside the Starbucks, in my car, because it’s closed due to COVID, piggybacking off their slow ass WiFi connection.
Some might say I’m determined.
Others might call me a borderline crackhead.

But, I scored my hit while the Tesla battery took a hit.
$20 and 45 minutes later, the battery had enough charge to get me back to the cabin…
And then some.

My luck was finally turning around.
I could feel it.
Bad juju be gone.

Not so fast…
Driving back, two different rednecks tried to start shit with me!
One was up my ass for looking at Google Maps on my phone.
Mind ya business!

And, the other…
He’d be damned if he’d let an electric vehicle pass him.
Especially a woman driver.
So, he blocked me from changing lanes and…
Floored his geriatric Ford Taurus right as the lane merged.

I finally hit my breaking point.
I was out of there!

Fuck…
The cabin gremlins
Bad juju
No WiFi
And, asshole rednecks

I hopped on Airbnb and found myself a cute lil condo outside of Durango, Colorado.
My estimated arrival time was 1AM local time.
Fortunately, my Airbnb host gave me the first night free.
I was shell shocked though.
I figured she was being punk’ing me or something.

So, I rushed back to the cabin, packed up my belongings, and hit the road.

I was going to make a smooth getaway.
Psyche!
The cabin gremlins had one more parting gift for me.

As I set the alarm, it chirped at me.
“Fault” in section 2 of the house.
That didn’t mean a damn thing to me.

For the next 15 minutes, I messed with every single door downstairs.
I tried to set it for the eighth time.
CHIRP!
“Fault” in section 2 of the house.

I was seconds away from ripping the entire system out of the wall.
So, I did the only responsible thing I could think of.
I left.
I left my parent’s cabin unarmed.
It was no longer my problem.

As I peeled out of the dirt driveway…
I couldn’t tell if I wanted to scream, cry, take two shots of tequila, or all of the above.

The score…
Cabin Gremlins | 83
Ashley | -66

My last-minute decision to bail was precisely what I needed.
It’s okay to call the ball or throw in the towel sometimes.
My relaxing weekend at the cabin wasn’t meant to be.

On the flip side, Durango, Silverton, and Ouray were simply delightful.
Stunning actually.

I turned my misfortune into an opportunity to visit a place I’d never been before.
And, guess what?
Not a single word of website copy was written all weekend.

But, I did a lot of exploring, experiencing, and evolving instead.

Your turn.
When have you been plagued with bad juju or gremlins?
And, how’d you handle it?
Share your story in the comments.

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