Ponderings
4. Self-Love & Care
“I’d rather be addicted to endorphins and experiences.”
Self-Care & Love


Driving 5-12 hours a day, stopping along the way, documenting and sharing the journey, charging the car, packing, unpacking, planning, researching, coordinating activities, and maximizing every day in a new place is no small feat. 

If I did the same trip a year ago, I would’ve been dealing with all that plus pounding headaches and upset stomachs on top of all of that. Yes, you guessed it. Massive hangovers!

Not fun at all!

In June 2020, I decided enough was enough. I was sick of feeling like shit and beating myself up over it. So, I started my sobriety journey. 

Truthfully, I figured it would be short lived. I probably hadn’t gone 5 days without drinking since I was 15 years old. 

But, about 30 days in, after much resistance I decided to download an app called “I Am Sober” to help me track how many days. I was sick of trying to count them out on the calendar. 

Honestly, the app was a blessing in disguise. It strangely held me accountable, and my competitive nature wanted to keep reaching the next milestone.

I’m now almost 4 months into this journey, and I’ve learned so much from it.

First and foremost – I had the strength to actually do it!

Drinking is incorporated into every daily activity. I didn’t know how to go to a happy hour, dinner, friend’s house, or a family function without drinking. 

I somehow thought my time and enjoyment would be diminished without alcohol. 

And, it was initially but after I got over the hump, my enjoyment level actually improved. I get to have intelligent conversations all night, not crave another glass of wine or vodka soda, remember the entire night, go home at a reasonable hour, not feel nervous about driving home in Arizona [0 tolerance state], and sleep soundly throughout the night.

I’m not going to lie, 100% of my favorite memories involve drinking. And, I miss it. If there were 0 negative side effects [hangovers, bad decisions, shame, feeling like shit, throwing up, blacking out, brain fog, being unproductive] I’d be ordering my next margarita right now.

Everything we do in life is simply a habit. After I figured out how to master my mindset, not give into temptation, and surround myself with the right support system anything is possible.

Staying sober while traveling helps me stay focused, motivated, on the ball, ready to go, and more rested.

One day, I hope my favorite memories are replaced with ones I made while sober. 

It’s interesting, but I’m starting to create a new definition of fun which I’m not only proud of but excited to embark on. 

No more brownouts [where everything is recorded in clips] for this lil lady. 

I’d rather be addicted to endorphins and experiences!

In regards to fitness, I haven’t been as active as I usually am this year, but I tried to prioritize it as much as possible. Bike rides along the ocean, long walks on the beach, hiking, running, and downhill mountain biking [this was a first for me – so exhilarating].

This is something I’ll be focusing on more in 2021 for sure!

How and why does Self-Care & Love hit home for you? 

Drop a comment below.

Next, check out my diary post on 5. Patience.

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