Ponderings
6. Unlearning
“My obsession with money, titles, productivity, and perfection would have killed me. If I let it.”
Unlearning

Learning is hard enough.
Now, I have to unlearn?

Wtf is unlearning?

Let’s see…

“To discard something learned, especially a bad habit or false or outdated information from one’s memory.”

Well…shit.
That might take me an entire lifetime.

The number of bad habits…
And, false/outdated information I have swimming around in my head is disgusting!

Hmmm, off the top of my head…

  • My self-worth is directly tied to my income
  • I live to work, not work to live
  • I can’t speak up, because I’ll come off as bitchy
  • I need to find a husband
  • I need to raise a family
  • I need a house and white picket fence
  • The American Dream is oh so dreamy
  • More is always better
  • Working for “the man” in Corporate America is fulfilling
  • I can sleep when I’m dead
  • A glass of wine is my reward for getting through the day
  • Dealing with office politics, backstabbing, and back channeling is normal
  • Taking time off to course correct isn’t an option
  • Mistakes are unacceptable
  • Asking for help is for wimps
  • Going to therapy is weak
  • Reinventing myself isn’t an option
  • My body can’t have any blemishes
  • I need to be liked by everyone
  • Stop being so sensitive and taking things so personally
  • Traveling is so expensive & dangerous

Yuck, I just vomited in my mouth.
I used to subscribe to all of the above at one point or another.

My obsession with money, titles, productivity, and perfection would have killed me.
If I let it.

I was plagued with the “more is better” disease.

So, I remained suffocated in Corporate America for 5 more years than I wanted to.
Making less and living with less wasn’t an option.
It was beneath me.
Not to mention, what would people say about me?

I had to reach my full potential.
And, climb that stupid fucking “ladder”.

My ego and my pride ate these stories up!

Thank the Lord, I finally checked my ego and listened to my heart instead.
I was certain there had to be more to life than this.

I needed out.
I needed time.
I needed time to think.
I needed perspective.
I needed clarity.
And, I needed the space to reinvent myself. 

And, let me tell you, the journey wasn’t easy.
Let me rephrase, the journey isn’t easy. 

I clawed my way down to my foundation.
And, chipped away at each layer.
Unprogramming myself of all the bullshit stories I was brainwashed to believe.
And, I started reprogramming myself with new, updated stories I truly believed.

Don’t get me wrong, the old programming runs deep.
I slip back into the old narratives all the time.

Like this one…
My lack of income makes me feel like a constant failure.

But, I remind myself of how brave and courageous I was to actually say Fuck It.
Not just say it.

Reinventing myself includes adopting a whole new belief system and set of skills.
I didn’t know how to build a website, branding, storytelling, copywriting, etc. 
I know the money will come if I keep following my truth. 

I’m determined to trade-in my “stuff” for a more experience-based life. 

Even if that means staying with friends, renting private rooms in Airbnbs, not dying my hair, rocking natural nails and toes, staying sober, skipping out on super fancy restaurants, and opting for medium priced excursions when traveling. 

Unlearning is a bitch.
Breaking old patterns and shattering limiting beliefs is HARD!

But, I’m determined to make this unconventional lifestyle work for me.
Because, the one dictated by society sucks ass.

No offense.
I secretly admire folks who subscribe to and love conventional life.
More power to them.
Personally, it made me feel depressed and suicidal at times.

I’m happy to report that I haven’t felt that way in a long time.
I’m actually the happiest I’ve ever been.
Especially since all the pressure to conform is gone.

This beautiful fairy is ready to sprinkle biodegradable fairy dust all over the damn world!
Are you adventurous enough to come along?

What bad habit or outdated belief do you need to Unlearn right meow?
Drop a comment below.

Check out my diary post on 7. Acceptance.

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